Wanted: Support Team
Today, only 50% of Americans report that they have someone to confide in. This is a serious decline compared with 1985 findings which report that 75% of Americans have someone to confide in. This is troubling but consistent with what I hear on a regular basis.
Women tell me that they don’t have a strong support team. And even the ones who tell me that they do, usually mention, when prompted, a spouse or family member. As with anything else, when we place all of our eggs in one basket, our self-esteem is pretty severely damaged when that solo basket falls from its precarious ledge. When your only support team member is your spouse, what happens when you get divorced? Your need for support doesn’t move out too! Eggs in various baskets which make up a balanced support team are essential. If the only basket that’s full is the spouse one, then you must populate your other baskets with people that can help support your various needs and interests.
Like anything else that relates to living an authentic life, building (or maintaining) a support team takes effort.
Here are three simple ways to refresh your support team:
1. Talk (or at least listen) to those water cooler folks. Look for common ground in people whom you interact with on a daily basis. Hang around and listen to what your co-workers did over their weekend. Are they a new dog mom, Beatles fan (”hey me too!”) or a closet Nigella Lawson? These are things you will find out if you stick around.
2. Leave the house. If you work from home, head to your local Starbucks or Panera for interaction with actual people. Listen for commonality in line for your food, with the check-out person or with the worker-bee sitting across from you. What are they reading, listening to, mooning over? Their action or words might be something that you like or perhaps can relate to.
3. Join something or start your own something. Look for local book clubs, evening discussion groups (Passionalities), continuing education programs or community softball teams to participate in. When in doubt, ask at the local library. Want to get into shape? Check out training programs like those at The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society which get you physically fit and support a great cause at the same time.
Consider whether or not you are connecting with people in a way which honors your Authentic Self need for bonding and belonging. If you aren’t, consider making some changes. Don’t allow yourself to become part of that dwindling number of Americans who have no confidante.