Understanding the lessons of “NO!”
On Tuesday afternoon, I attended a screening of “NO!” The Rape Documentary by Aishah Shahidah Simmons. It was an event that was sponsored by The Connecticut Sexual Assault Crisis Services Inc. and the Institute for Violence Prevention and Reduction at the University of Connecticut, School of Social Work. With statistics like 1 out of 3 women in the United States will be sexually assaulted in their lifetime, sexual violence against women is hard to ignore. Simmons, a rape and incest survivor, spent 11 years on NO!. She is the writer, producer and director of the film and since its debut in 2006, has been lecturing on her film.
A few of the lessons of the film caught my attention because they seemed so relevant to all women–not just African American women, whom the film centers on. These lessons are all about feeling good/better about yourself and not allowing control of your actions to be usurped by someone else, whether person or society.
we spend a good deal of time learning how to differentiate between what is good for our Authentic Self and what is not good. We learn how to say “no” to situations, people or committments that don’t serve us. Obviously in Simmons’ film, the concept of what it means to say “no” comes up a great deal. One of the women in the film, perhaps Dr. Aaronette White, said that women don’t think that they have the right to say “no” in sexual situations for three main reasons (1) if the man is sexually aroused (2) If it’s late and they are already in his apartment or house (3) If they have had sexual intercourse before. Knowing these three reasons, saying “no” in other circumstances (to a job offer, to a marriage proposal to the decision to have another child) becomes all the more important. Because if we cannot say “no” in the more common, everyday scenarios that ask us to make a decision, it will be harder for us to believe that we can say “no” in other, more grave situations. We always have the right to say “no”, regardless of the circumstances.Simmons’ film is an essential one for everyone to watch. Issues like gender, race and sexuality are relevant to all of us, even if we are not African-American. The powerful first person testimonials are difficult to watch but are so powerful and inspiring. Click here for the trailer.
Where can the lessons of “NO!” apply to your life?