Creating New Pathways
Creating New Pathways
A mutual friend, ‘Suzy’ introduced me, via email, to a coach, ‘Jackie’ with whom it seems we share a vision around empowering women. Jackie and I communicated via email and arranged a time to talk over the phone. We spoke in depth and many connections were made. Post conversation, I mentioned to a friend, ‘Carla’, the fabulous conversation that Jackie and I had. I suggested to Carla that since they both live in the same city and Carla is new to the city, she should give Jackie a call and get together for coffee. Aghast at the boldness of the suggestion, Carla said that there was no way she would call up a random woman and suggest that they get together. What would you have done?
Chances are, you wouldn’t have made the call. I understand from listening to many of you that making new support team connections is a huge challenge. What do I talk about? What if I share too much? What if they don’t seem to like me? Where do I meet new people? We know that it is important that we have a strong support team but the reality is that we don’t often know how to find and/or maintain those support team folks. A large part of what I do for a living is talk to women about what they think and feel about the different things that affect their quality of life. But, as a formerly shy person, I understand how hard it can be to form new relationships.One of the sweet truths of making connections, however, is the pleasure that you receive in spending time with like-minded people. Genuine joy is felt to learn that someone else loves Atlas Shrugged like we do or the person that we never speak to at work is a scrap-booking fiend like we are and has materials that can be swapped.
This is the joy of authentic connection. But to feel that joy, we first must put ourselves out there far enough –so your step feels big–to learn what uncommon jewels are in the other’s at first invisible crown.
Take the first step by putting yourselves in situations where you might find like-minded people: a Passionale; the dog park; your local library’s book club; a community college’s non-credit course; a volunteer training. Consider the pieces of your Authentic Self that you feel good about (your passion for folk art; a desire for community involvement) and then seek out the likely avenues where other folks who share these passions might be.
The next step is to approach someone. You can start by introducing yourself to someone. Or, you can step up to an already engaged conversation and ask if you can join in. Asking to join a conversation will likely immediately stimulate good feelings since everyone loves to feel as if they are important. When in doubt about who to approach, find someone who looks interesting (maybe you just like their outfit) or looks like you…in the sense that they ‘feel’ approachable.
Lastly, talk to them about something. You can start with the simple question of asking them what they do for a living. Boring, yes, but put your own dynamic twist in the conversation by following up with, “What’s the best part of your job?” or “I’ve always been interested in _________ What prompted you to go into _________?”. If you are less inclined to talk shop, consider offering a compliment to them, “I love your handbag. Where did you get it?”; asking their opinion, “How do you feel about Ned Lamont?”; or mentioning something interesting that you saw/heard/read about or actually did, “I just came back from a 2-week trip to Nova Scotia and it was amazing. Have you ever been to Canada?”
Keep the sweet pleasure of future connection and its reward (new, perhaps, stronger support team) in the forefront of your mind when putting yourself into situations that are unfamiliar. Cultivating new relationships pays off big for everyone involved when the connections formed are authentic ones. Remember, Martin Luther King Jr. said, “You don’t need to see the whole staircase, just take the first step in faith.” The stairs of authentic connection will start to form right before your eyes, like they do in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, when you do take that first step in faith.