Elizabeth M. Johnson

Barbara Ehrenreich’s new book, This Land is Your Their Land, offers a series of stinging essays on the state of the two Americas today, contending that the land we live in and call our own, is actually not ours (well, the regular people like you and me anyway) but a vast luxury compound belonging to the very rich and very powerful. Covering everything from health care to workplace bullies to “marriage education”, Ehrenreich leaves literally no stone unturned in her quest to call attention to the usurpation of the everyday person’s power and possibility.

One of my favorite essays, “Got Grease?” (read the essay on-line here), takes a look at the low-fat craze of the 1990’s and its relation to the socio-economics of America today. In short, wealthy people abstain from fat, knowing that unspoken but very real rule that virtue and goodness are associated with abstinence from “bad” foods while the “lower” classes indulge in McDonald’s and are scolded for their lack of willpower when it comes to healthy eating. Okay, I am mixing my metaphors a bit here. Ehrenreich doesn’t overtly connect the obesity issue with the lower classes (perhaps because this essay was originally published in 2002) but she does make the case that eating a low-fat diet is another privilege of the rich: “we might be hogging the Earth’s resources, the affluent seem to be saying, but at least we’re not indulging the ancient human craving for fat. So the low-fat diet has been the hair shirt under the fur coat–the daily deprivation that offsets the endless greed.”

One of the challenges of eating healthily, of course, is being able to actually afford to make those good-for-you choices. This crucial factor is often not addressed at all in conversations about living healthily, as in this otherwise terrific post at Zen Habits. When you have $2 in your pocket for food and no car, there are not many healthy food choices open to you, as Ehrenreich discovered in Nickel and Dimed, shopping at the local mini-mart for breakfast. Think, too, about the food served in soup kitchens and pantries: canned veggies, items with long shelf lives like beans. Seldom are there fresh fruits and veggies. They are just too expensive. Finally, think about what sits in the donation box at the exit of your local grocery store: canned soup, boxes of pasta, microwave popcorn. So, besides a desire to be healthy, one must also have the resources to be able to get to and once there, purchase healthy foods.

Just like the choice to purchase a bottle of Evian or–making even more of a statement–Voss, having the resources to spend the extra on local pesto or purchase a quart of golden raspberries is a privilege of the affluent, as Ehrenreich tells us. So, what does this mean for you? Well, for many of us, the McDonald’s subset (I count myself here although I haven’t touched that garbage in years, permanently scarred as I was by SuperSize Me –just watching the trailer again makes me feel anxious) the reality is clear: we choose healthy food or we choose home heating oil. Like millions of elderly Americans faced with the choice of paying for medications or paying for electricity (or food), we have an awful, unfair choice in front of us: choose one, knowing as we do that we cannot afford both. This is a hard choice, especially, if you have children.

So, what can you do? Here are a few ideas. For obvious reasons, these may notwork for all Americans but hopefully one of them might be applicable to you:

• Shop at a local farmer’s market. Ah, I have discovered yet another benefit to my move. Farmer’s markets in NC will be open for longer periods throughout the year than they will be in CT. Farmer’s markets tend to be well-priced, not mandate minimums (buy 1apple if you want instead of a 5 pound bag), and are good environmentally since the food you are buying has traveled fewer miles than the California avocado you buy at Stop and Shop.
• Cut coupons. Local health food stores, in addition to chain stores, often have coupon books at the counter, sometimes good for a month. Take one and peruse through for healthy items that you might not have tried before. Using a coupon to purchase them makes the extra you are spending go down a little more smoothly.
• Plan ahead. I am pretty poor at putting this principle into practice but in theory, this is a good idea. Don’t go shopping when hungry and stick to your list, of course, but also plan a menu or a meal ahead of time. Make a large batch, freeze and then re-heat and use as needed. This advance prep will count down on last minute expensive trips to the store or take-out place and will ensure, as much as you can, that you have a healthy meal in your kitchen.

I think we need to reclaim this America but before we can get too far, we need to be healthy. Only when we look and feel healthy do we have enough confidence to take a big risk, walk away from a great job or run for local office. How healthy are you?

Plugging away on the elliptical yesterday morning, I saw Dr. Sanjay Gupta on CNN summarizing a recent study by Pfizer which reported that a small study of 100 women who were on anti-depressants showed an improvement in sexual function by using Viagra.  Dr. Gupta pointed out that about half of all patients on anti-depressants suffer from some kind of sexual dysfunction.  Taking into consideration that adult use of antidepressants has tripled recently, leading antidepressants to be the most commonly prescribed drug in the United States, this number is significant.

I don’t know what makes me more angry; the fact that so many Americans are on antidepressants or the fact that the subtle message is that maybe one more pill is the answer.  While I do believe that some of us do sincerely need antidepressants to function, I cannot reconcile the sheer number of people who take them.  I just do not believe that they are truly needed by that many people.  Part of the problem is that our modern society perpetuates the value of quickness over the value of thoughtful consideration. We are encouraged to take a pill rather than ask what is really going on that prevents us from satisfaction and happiness.  This is wrong.

Here’s an idea: why not put aside the pills temporarily and look at what’s really going on in your life.  Could your lack of ability to orgasm have to do with the fact that you are ashamed of your body?  Or unhappy with the quality of your relationship with your partner?  Are there past traumas that have not yet been dealt with?  Or are you anxiety-ridden over your job or your husband’s drinking?  Maybe you are questioning your own sexuality?  The answer is not to take another pill but rather to honestly question what’s not working in your life as a way to get to the roots of the problem, instead of opting to mask it with medication.

Taking the easy way will always be the quickest path to deal with a problem but it’s important to understand that nothing has actually been resolved.  Acting by not acting relegates you to living the worried, anxious, unquestioned existence. Sound good?

Since the sale of my property fell through last week, I have been asking for more of what I want/need than usual. Asking for what you want/ need is one of the cornerstones of putting yourself first, a practice that builds self-esteem. Self-esteem is built because you are taking action (actions always makes you feel more confident than sitting by idly) and because you are allowing someone else to help you.

This latter reason may seem slightly counter-intuitive so let me explain. Allowing someone to help you gently rubs out our unhelpful internal belief system of self-dependence, meaning we often believe that we are the only ones who can make something happen for ourselves. This is simply not true. Look at your heroes. Are they solitary folks who have never asked others for anything? Not usually. People need other people to thrive. From where I sit, most people who don’t ask others for what they want/need are people who are simply surviving, not thriving. These are usually the folks who have difficulty expressing gratitude for the gifts in their life. They also are often the ones who are paralyzed by fear or choices and end up doing nothing, opting to live with that fear, instead of enrolling someone else for their sage opinion or expertise. Lastly, those folks who don’t ask others for help are often the least successful people, not necessarily in material wealth but life balance.

Don’t forget the person doing the helping usually feels blessed to be asked. They know how capable and smart you are and that you can often solve many issues on your own. They also know that you have helped them in the past and feel grateful to you for being able to return the favor. The blessing factor is not small potatoes. Helping you also makes me feel good about me and my capabilities. Therefore, I am helped by the help that I have offered you. It’s a pretty circle of giving and receiving that makes everyone feel warm and needed.

Asking for help is an acquired skill not a sign of dependence or ineptitude. True devotees to personal growth know this.

Anyone who has ever struggled with an addiction (eating, smoking, drinking, drugs) knows nagging does no good. Unfortunately, those concerned by the addicted person’s behavior still persist. They see that it does no good (”the person must want to change,” we are told) but for most of us having the patience to sit by and do nothing feels impossible.

Recently, I saw the nagging issue addressed in The New York Times: should doctors nag their patients about losing weight? The 723 comments (and counting) that followed the brief mention of a doctor who opts to not lecture his patients illustrates just how hot a topic obesity is in our country. I side with the good doctor. Most overweight people are not oblivious to the fact that they are overweight. Indeed, if we are to believe Wendy Shanker, author of The Fat Girl’s Guide to Life, most overweight people, especially women, have tried everything imaginable to lose the damning weight that society endlessly faults them for. Just like anything else, excess weight is not lost because your doctor chides you for it. And, yes, the solution does start with a desire for change, but the person must also be willing to dig into the emotional, often deep-set reasons for the addiction. This combination is an essential one because without it no real progress can occur. Weight can be lost (temporarily), drinking might stop (for a while) but if there is no understanding of the where and the why behind the problem, there will be no permanency.

The second part of the above essential combination (going deep and looking at where/why) will be addressed in my Fall teleseries. More details will be in the next issue of my bi-weekly ezine In The Pink (click here to subscribe) but if you simply can’t wait, click here and let me know how I can ease your mind.

Nagging is often part of the problem, but not a solution to it.

Have you seen Casino* ? Besides being filled with lots of shiny bling, fabulous music and amazing actors the film offers a particularly salient success lesson.

My favorite character in the film is Ginger, played by Sharon Stone. Ginger is, essentially, a beautiful hustler who schmoozes high rollers at the casinos by temporarily offering them some of her sexual glam in exchange for money. In addition to Ginger’s amazing hair and to-die-for clothes–if you are a vintage junkie you will love Sharon Stone’s outfits from the early 1970’s–there’s something else about her that is memorable. Ginger tips out everyone in her circle, like the valets at the casinos. And, she does it with a smile, not grudgingly or with resentment. As a hustler, she relies on others in the know to point her in the direction of the big spenders. The valets and the women who work behind the cages at the casino are people who help her become successful. And, Ginger is successful. Sadly, she hands over all of her money to her old boyfriend who is a total loser but the bigger lesson here is that Ginger is successful because she takes care of and makes other people successful.

Success works like this; it feeds itself. While it’s more than just a belief in spreading good karma so good karma comes back to you, it isn’t a lot more complicated than this. Making other people successful puts you in the powerful position of Resource. Being known as a Resource grants you two things: expertise and–you guessed it–success. You can declare yourself an expert in a certain area, and I strongly encourage you to do this, but you need to be able to back that up somehow. Having other people consider you an expert helps cement that status.

Take a lesson from Ginger: one of the most amazing things you can do for yourself and your career (or your karma) is to make someone else successful. This doesn’t need to be time-consuming or complicated. The next time someone admires the earrings you are wearing, tell them about your closet-jewelry making friend who gifted them to you. Mention her name and tell them that she does jewelry parties and custom pieces for people. Check! That’s all it takes. Or, give someone else part of the kudos for the sale you just made. Tell your boss that Miss Y had dealt with the client initially and was the one who sent the fabric swatches. Check again.

There’s no sure recipe to success, of course. And ingredients like creating continual learning opportunities and building a good support team are not to be discounted. None of these will make you Oprah-rich but they won’t certainly won’t bankrupt you either.

*Casino is a Godfather-type movie so you may want to watch the trailer here before watching the whole movie, especially if the sporadic, sudden violence turns you off.

Close to this time last year, I started to explore going deeper into a specific niche. All of the savviest business builder folks point to niching as the way to create a successful, self-sustaining business. Their position states that you (the business owner) want to have a specific audience in mind. A target audience of “women” doesn’t count. Too big. A target audience of “women business owners” is also too big. But a target audience of women lawyers who are solo practitioners is just right. In choosing a specific niche to work with, that specific audience will flock to you because your service is exactly what they need. The point is you don’t need every woman to be your client, just the ones that really have a need for your service or product. That’s enough.

I had resisted this notion for a while because while it rationally made sense to me, it felt exclusionary. My business model has always been as inclusive as possible: all women were welcome. It didn’t matter their age or education level, what their job was or their race. Every woman I knew could use some self-esteem boosters. Why offer these tools to only a few? The reality is that while thinking I was a specialist–a life coach for women who wanted to become more confident–really, I was a generalist: a life coach who (aside from tackling financial abundance work with clients) would work with women on most issues because so much does relate to self-esteem. [Side note: If in doubt yourself about whether you are truly a specialist or actually a generalist, read Seth Godin's post on this very subject here. Seth Godin is brilliant. There are a few people that I consider to be brilliant. My friend Jevette from grad school is one of them. A friend from Miss Hall's, Marina. Mr. Godin has been on my brilliance list for a while. Subscribe to his blog. His posts offer precious and pithy insight, applicable to anyone interested in distinguishing themselves and their business in a sea of mediocrity.]

Generalist no more, I decided. Initially, I talked to a few experts. These conversations were less successful. If you want details, let me know. After these fruitless explorations, I decided that I was actually the expert and so assigned myself some work to do: surveying the readers of my ezine, In The Pink; talking to my Passionality team leaders; doing some how-to work on niche identification and speaking with a few fellow solopreneurs like my good pal, Sarah Stitham of Revamp.

I have come up with something that speaks to some of my passions (a key aspect of defining a niche) and one that is specific. Right now I am working on the new business name. Keep your eyes open for a post next week, sometime after Wednesday’s issue of In The Pink, which will give the full details. In the meantime, ask how this story relates to you:

• How can you go deeper?
• Are you willing to risk alienating some of your fans/friends to pursue a more meaningful path?
• What have you done recently that scares you?