Elizabeth M. Johnson

Through my friend and Passionality Team Leader, Stephanie Stanton, I met Charise Isis of Isis Images based in Saugherties, NY.

Isis is a photographer who specializes in intimate portraits of women. Her clients are of many different shapes, sizes, ages and backgrounds. With similar goals of helping women imagine themselves as beautiful, confident, powerful, I felt an immediate connection with Isis. Isis brought along some of her photographs when we met, I was so blown away by the powerful way that these “imperfect” women came alive through Isis’ lens. Through her upcoming show at Galerie BMG in Woodstock, NY. Isis hopes to create a dialogue about women and body image and to present beauty and sensuality that stretches beyond society’s very narrow ideals of how beauty is defined. Isis’ show opens January 5 and runs through February 18. 10% of the profits from print sales will go to benefit Ophelia’s Place–a foundation dedicated to education and outreach regarding eating disorders.

Please join me on January 5 for this important event.

One of the magazines that I don’t subscribe to is Utne Reader. Nothing against Utne, I have subscribed in the past, but right now I get so many magazines that adding one more seems not only frivolous but may also be tempting fate a bit too much. But I happened to pick up the January-February issue which features a fabulous article on “rejecting fear, loathing and sacrifice” by Courtney E. Martin, Love Your Fat Self. Martin, a writer, speaker and teacher living in Brooklyn, NY, looks at the multi-faceted issues behind obesity by offering an excerpt of her book (which I *just* inter-library loaned) called Perfect Girls, Starving Daughters: The Frightening New Normalcy of Hating Your Body.

Part of the reason that Martin is so compelling is that she uses the lens of a real life friend to illustrate how out of control we have become over body image. She talks about the beauty of her obese friend and how, “On paper, she is a perfect girl. (but) To the ignorant, naked eye, she is flawed.” Yes, I wish she hadn’t called her friend a “girl” when she is most likely no girl at all but a woman but leaving that for the moment, Martin’s article is unforgettable because she reaches into the dark areas that most writing on obesity just gloss over and goes a bit deeper. For example, I especially appreciate the fact that she references the essential, but often neglected, issues of emotional well being (of which I include self-esteem) as a part of the issue of obesity, “Studies have shown that prolonged weight loss is more often the result of psychological work i.e. behavior change and self-acceptance.” Martin also talks about the impact of obesity on a woman’s potential earnings. While women still earn around 77 cents for every dollar that men earn (the gap for Latinas and African-American women is greater: 58 cents for Latinas and 71 cents for African-American women), any factor which shrinks this amount even more is worth paying attention to. Throughout, Martin weaves her own thoughts into her writing, quite unabashedly, about her friend and the many people she saw around her as she tracked the judgments that rang through her own mind. Bringing one’s self into one’s writing is not always an easy maneuver, especially when the topic is so fraught with high, hot emotions. Often the result is thinly disguised self-promotion which creates neither trust nor credibility. Martin, however, handles this deftly. Perhaps because she has already balanced the stage so carefully with her admiration of her friend on one hand and the traumas implicit in falling short of perfection on the other, Martin’s sharing of her own inner turmoil rings authentic and leaves the reader empathetic with her angst. Angst which sits a little more heavily, perhaps, on our shoulders as we, too, struggle with our own judgments.

I love squirrels. I have learned a great deal about the ingenuity of squirrels recently as I watched one tackle the bird feeder outside my window with such persistent zeal, it is hard not to be impressed. I don’t think of them as annoying rodents but little companions of inspiration who have a lot to teach.

What squirrels know:
1) Squirrels know persistence. They don’t give up easily and instead of butting their head against the wall by doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results, they attack the problem from different angles.
2) Squirrels know dexterity. They use all of their body to get what they want. This may mean that they hang upside down or cling to a tree branch. How does this translate into your own life or business?
3) Squirrels know confidence. While it’s hard to tell exactly what they are thinking, judging from the determined look on their little face, they seem to believe that their talents and skills will get them exactly what they want.

Squirrels can be trained to be hand-fed. So not only are they self starters, they are smart enough to allow others and the benefits that those others can offer into their own life. In other words, squirrels are not megalomaniac dictators with no use for anyone except themselves. They can be taught new things which is an admirable attribute.

While I am a believer that there are no “right” or “wrong” paths, paying attention to the squirrels in your life (whether attacking your bird feeder or showing up as your competition) is definitely one way to ensure that the work you do is at worst not ignored and at best is rewarded.

Almost two weeks ago, I introduced my campaign “29 Days of Pink Kindness”. While it doesn’t officially start until Feb. 1, I am recruiting people now to sign-up and be part of the goodness that comes from practicing random acts of pink kindness. For more details on the campaign, click here . You can also sign-up by adding your name to the “comments” section.

And as an added bonus to encourage you to join the campaign and spread pink, I have decided that those who sign-up to participate in the “29 Days of Pink Kindness” campaign will be allowed to nominate a deserving individual or organization to receive a deck of Confident Women Coaching Cards for free. That’s right. My goal is to give away 1 Card deck for each day in February as part of the campaign. So, if you have a favorite local non-profit or just know of a woman who could use a self-esteem boost, you can nominate that person or group to receive a deck of my Cards. Only those who participate in the campaign can nominate! Their nomination counts as one of their acts of pink. It’s a win-win for everyone involved. Does it get any more pink that that?

Petria told me recently while we were having over coffee -actually she had a chai- that she saw a Nike ad which had really grabbed her. She told me what it said and I agreed: “Life = Outrunning Lesser Versions of Yourself”. What’s not to be inspired by?

Who do we compare ourselves to most of the time? Mainly, it’s other people. “Her problems are more important/much larger/more awful than mine.” or “She looks so perfectly out together, nothing ever fazes her.” or “Did you hear what ____ just did? She is so lucky to have a ______ that _______ her.” We have no idea what goes on in the lives of others but yet we compare our lives to theirs all the time.

Measuring ourselves against others is plain foolish. It’s a waste of TEM (Time, Energy and Money). It’s also foolish because we can’t ever live up to other’s standards. If I tried to measure myself against another coach’s standards of what works for them, I will likely fall hard. Why? Because other people’s standards are the product of their own values systems. So if we can’t measure ourselves by other’s standards, then who can we count on? Us. When we measure ourselves by our own standards, we might actually succeed. Picture it. Imagine setting yourself up for success, instead of setting yourself up for failure. That feels good.

So, life is about moving past, breaking through, getting ahead, outrunning the old, out-dated versions of ourselves, not comparing ourselves to others. That outdated version of yourself can be the old you who maintains friendships out of guilt or fear. Or that outdated version of you can mean the she who holds onto a job because it looks like success to the outside world. Or that old version of you can be the anxiety-filled woman who looks to other people’s lives, instead of fully living her own.

In short, outrunning lesser versions of ourselves is all about leaving the past behind, where it belongs. It’s pretty uncomfortable to have one foot in the past and another reaching for the future. We need to leave that past behind so that we can grow, become more confident and thrive in our life. So, take a moment and look down. Where are your feet? Or, as Mma Makutsi would ask, what are your feet saying to you?

I close my bi-weekly ezine, In The Pink, with my signature phrase of “Keep it Pink”. Pink, to me, means power, possibility and passion. I like to help keep pink and all of its positive connotations in our minds as we weave through our busy days.

Last night when I was at a Hess station in New Haven getting gas, I noticed that the woman in front of me (dressed in a light hoodie on a cold, wind-whipped night) was paying for her gas in part with loose change: quarters, nickels, dimes and more than a few pennies. I thought about this while I signed my bank card receipt for my own gas. Driving away, I found myself remembering the story that I had read a few years back about the woman who, at the subway turnstile, paid for her fare and the fares of the 8, 10? people behind her. Images of the “Practice Random Acts of Kindness” bumper sticker filled my mind as I wondered how I could do something similar: a small, contagious gesture which fills everyone with good feelings. But since these acts are viral (remember Pay It Forward?), I knew that I wanted to include my pink community as well.

So, starting in February, for 29 days (2008 is a Leap Year!), I will begin “29 days of Pink Kindness” and I want as many of you out there to join me as is possible. Each day for 29 days, I will commit to one casual act of pink kindness to someone that I encounter in my day.

Here are the five rules that I agree to abide by:

1) The person who benefits from the act of pink kindness can be known or unknown.
2) The act may be premeditated. In other words, you can plan ahead.
3) The person who benefits need not be in your presence i.e. you can send a letter or flowers and not be there to witness their pleasure.
4) The act must keep with the theme of pink i.e. encouraging someone’s passions; enhancing their possibility or expanding their power/empowering them.
5) I will document, via this blog, the acts that I perform and the reaction of the recipient. This revelations may come out on a per act basis or in summary (weekly) format.

So, if you are interested in joining me, all you need do is email me, letting me know that you will commit to the above rules (you can opt to share comments detailing your acts, as an add-on to my posts or email me details on your acts and I will post for you). Then, I’ll add your name and you’re good to go. And, don’t worry, you won’t be on your own. You’ll be hearing from me several times before we start on February 1.

One person can make a difference but an gaggle of us spreading pink kindness wherever we may roam lends a whole new dimension to the power of change. There is a real need in this world for more people to take small steps to spread hope through pink to others. Don’t you think? I hope you will join me for “29 Days of Pink Kindness”!

A An article in yesterday’s New York Times calls attention to the dangers of perfectionism for those of us who take themselves and their achievements to unhealthy levels. The article ends with the British saying that encourages people to “show their skills while mocking the universal fear of failure: Do your worst.”

Way too often we are paralyzed by the perfectionist fear that our end product (home, paper, proposal, program) won’t be good enough. We are paralyzed by the possibility that we will fail. Like Enya, I say, “Fail Away!”. Well, she said “Sail away,” but that’s practically the same. For me, “Fail away” means doing something with the acknowledgment that it may not be perfect. The important thing is not to succeed at the first go (what do you learn from that???) but to have taken a step toward your desired outcome. A ridiculous amount of time is wasted by your inability to make a decision to move forward by taking a simple step, even if it seems fraught with imminent disaster (which it really isn’t anyway, right?). We can get ahead much faster if we just try something.

Real Life Example: Martha Beck refers to the first iteration of a new writing project as a “shitty first draft”. She uses this as a way to get her butt in the chair to write something instead of just thinking or talking about writing. Beck is what one might call a “prolific” writer. She writes a monthly article for O: The Oprah Magazine and is the author of several books. Beck is doing what you want to do…getting ahead faster.

So, how about it? Are you serious about getting ahead faster? Attaining your goals? Realizing your dream? Then do something, anything, about it. Fail Away! Then, look behind you and see how far you just traveled.

“It takes as much courage to have tried and failed as it does to have tried and succeeded.” Anne Morrow Lindbergh

Over the past year, I have been doing some deliberate thinking as to how I could downscale my lifestyle to have less of an environmental footprint. II have eliminated coffee take-out cups and bottled beverage containers so far and my thinking on this is really just getting started. As Americans, we are conditioned to want more, not less. We tend to measure success in terms of “stuff”, not a scarcity of stuff. We have bigger dinner plates to hold more food; oversized SUV’s when we have no small children or pets to cart around; multiple handbags, shoes or watches. “More!”, we seem to be saying.

In line with this thinking, I/we (my fiance Rob and I both) have deliberately decided to scale back holiday gift-giving. I am making things for various family members using some recycled materials (hint, hint). This allows me to indulge my creative, hands-on side of my Authentic Self that doesn’t always have the opportunity to shine bright. Gift certificates to local stores will also be a part of the scaling back. Gift certificates mean less packaging, less fluff to have to cart off to the transfer station to discard. Magazine subscription to favorite publications are also a good idea. Your friend or sibling reads The New Yorker anyway (doesn’t she?) and so you are feeding a love of hers while also maintaining an adherence to my desire to create less “stuff” to dispose of. Of course, this gift only works if she actually reads the magazine. The last thing that you want to do is gift a subscription to someone who already subscribes to 15 magazines and never gets around to reading them all. I have also decided to make a contribution to a favorite charity in lieu of a gift this year for two different folks who are like-minded in their desire to cut back and scale down.

I don’t aspire to have more stuff. Large quantities, for the most part, are not important to me. Exceptions to this rule (due to Elizabeth’s law that perfection does not exist, there are always exceptions) include pretty ribbon, hearty soups and white greyhounds. I do aspire to be more, however. And because of this the holidays are a great time to enjoy the balance of indulgence and reflection. Indulgence not in quantities of stuff but in terms of qualities of experiences. For me, being more means indulging in varied, glossy experiences instead of accumulating stuff that gradually means less and costs more in the long run.

Often “more” leads to imbalance in our life and I was reminded of one of the Power of Integrity cards in my Confident Women Coaching Cards card deck. It asks the reader to think about what is off balance in their life and how to right that balance.

Where in your life does less equal more?