Elizabeth M. Johnson

The December issue of Inc magazine featured an article on the value of mess by David H. Freedman, as in “Gosh, Caroline, your desk is an absolute mess.” Frankly, the article left me feeling not quite convinced. Not because I am hyper-organized but more because some of his conclusions seemed a little far-fetched. Gladly, I now have an authority to assure me that they actually were. The April issue of Inc. features a letter to the editor by Julie Morgenstern, CEO of Julie Morgenstern Enterprises, aka the Queen of all Organization. Morgenstern , in her letter, points out a few flaws in Freedman’s conclusions. The exact details are unimportant. But more essential to note is that Morgenstern seized an opportunity to remind the outside world that she is an expert in this area. Freedman, I would venture, coming a little later to the oranization game is not really an expert in this area. He is the co-author of, “The Perfect Mess”, published in December 2006 on the “value of mess”. Julie Morgenstern, however, has been in the mess game since 1989. She has been one of the earliest pioneers in the organizing world. As such it was important for her brand, for her reputation, for her identity as a pioneer in this industry to write to Inc. More of us, especially women, should follow her example. It’s essential that the world know that we are an expert in some area or another. This build self-esteem and it, of course, helps attract future clients and other important connections.

Where have you shared your opinion recently?

You know that annoying tag in the back of your favorite sweater? Well, it has a purpose. It’s purpose (really, it’s not intended to irritate) is to remind you where your favorite sweater came from. So, in the off chance you need another sweater or perhaps need a gift for a friend or maybe even you like their clothes so much, you decide that you want to work there, you know where to go. That is good branding, that simple little tag.

Do you make a product or offer a service? If so, I hope your item(s) are well-branded like that favorite sweater. Does your product have a tag, label or other self-explanatory notation to give simple contact information about you and what you do? Ideally include your website address (as I have on each and every one of my Confident Women Coaching Cards) as the one simple message you want people to have.

Even if you don’t have a product or service, you are your brand. What you wear, how you talk about yourself, the way that you carry your body, your facial expressions are all extensions of your brand. These signs tell the world about you. These signs are also ways that your level of self-esteem is seen by the outside world. Confident women don’t slouch, dress to blend in or talk about themselves disparagingly.

And, if you do have a product or service that isn’t clearly labelled or tagged, get on this! I bought a gorgeous spring bag made with a vintage toile green fabric from a visiting woman who stopped into Hammertown Rhinebeck, looking to source some of her bags to independent retailers. Rhonda and I each bought one. I realized later that mine has no tag. There is no way to identify who created this fabric work of art. And that means there is no way to find this woman who was from the South somewhere, if I wanted another bag or wanted one for a friend. This is a shame. It’s a loss of opportunity for the creator and for me. Everyone loses when you sell yourself short by not marketing your brand effectively.

As I think about this, perhaps there is not a small piece about not wanting to toot one’s on horn by slapping a label on a product which in essence says, “I made this!”. As women we are conditioned to not pat ourselves on the back too much (until you get to my programs anyway!) so putting something out to the world can be fraught with scary apprehension and cold fear sometimes. But it’s essential. Otherwise, what’s the point?

What is your name on?

At the risk of making the understatement of the century, I’ll press forward anyway: the internet has provided us with the most comprehensive information tool imaginable. But, along with that best goes the worst. Some people use the guise of the internet to bring out their most evil, yes, I mean evil, sides. One of my favorite bloggers, Kathy Sierra of Creating Passionate Users, began receiving some pretty horrific comments on her blog (see Kathy’s post yesterday for details). These comments escalated into obscene pictures and now death threats. This is unacceptable. Violence in the form of sexually explicit comments, frightening twisted images or actual threats of physical injury or death are all violent. Violence is any unwanted act of power intended to cause harm or fear. This is my definition but in checking with dictionary.com, their definition seems pretty similar.

All too common are images of women in magazines or even television or film where the women are represented as objects (not a body but simply legs or breasts), animals or as the victims of violent actions. If this doesn’t sound familiar, check out Jean Kilbourne’s Killing Us Softly 3: Advertising’s Images of Women. or just take a more critical look at the magazine ads that you enter daily. The ways that the women are portrayed in the media, I believe, contributes to the entitlement of violence that pervades some of the worst internet users. But, I think that what we can do, where we do have power, is to stand up and declare the unacceptability of any violence against women-whether online or in “real life”. The more people who support action in order to combat this kind of degradation and discrimination, the more likely actions like those taken against Kathy Sierra will diminish.

What do you stand up for?

I heard about Brian Wansink’s the Power of Three theory in an issue of O: The Oprah Magazine last year sometime. I cut out the article because I was so impressed that for one of the habits he was going to change was to only eat new candy i.e. instead of any old candy that came across his sugar radar. Then, later, I bought Wansink’s book. Mindless Eating: Why We Eat More than We Think is brilliant. The fact that the book is funny and fascinating just adds to its charm.

Mindless Eating is one of those books, kind of like Freakonomics, that I find endlessly fascinating due, in part, I think to the human behavior aspect. Why do we do what we do? Wansink contends that we weigh what we weigh (some of unhappily so) because too often we are mindlessly eating (considering ourselves full when the plate is empty or eating in front of the television). Wansink introduces his power of three theory in the last chapter of the book. The idea is to start building the right habits, slowly. The gist is that you track your three intended changes over a 28 day period. At the end of each day, give yourself a check mark for the change that you kept to. You can use the power of three with anything–not just food. I like this idea because it is simple and easily sets up the participant for success. You can practice the power of three with confidence building too. Imagine that your three intended changes are: taking more risks; speaking your truth; and meeting new people. Each of these activities enable you to become more confident so the trick then is to turn them into habit. Et voila! 28 days later, you have formed newer, more Authentic Self supporting habits and have become more confident.

What are three intended changes you can make for yourself?

If your clothes, accessories, shoes, outerwear, etc. don’t reflect your Authentic Self, you are losing essential self-esteem. Dressing to reflect your Authentic Self is a must in order to feel good and act confidently in your daily life, out in the world and in business.

The April/May issue of PINK magazine, Executive Per Suit, features a good article to support my theory. PINK tells us that “we can use our wardrobes to be ourselves at work”. “Ourselves” in this case means our Authentic Selves. Author Suzanne Gleason talks to a varied lot of professional women: from US Representative Mary Bono to candypreneur Dylan Lauren. Gleason gleans together some collective style wisdoms. A few pearls include Lauren’s insight, “Bright colors have become appropriate for business and they’re a must for me. I like to project confidence and style,” and these Authentic Self-inspiring words from professional poker player, Annie Duke, “We all perform better, we’re so much more confident, when we’re comfortable with the way we look.” How true.

One way to gain greater confidence in life, this terrific PINK magazine article tells us, is to dress in a style which reflects our Authentic Self. Unsure of what your Authentic Self style is? Here are a couple of options for you:

1) Talk to a friend whose style you admire. Where does she shop? How does she put outfits together? What tips can she share with you?

2) Experiment by visiting stores that you have long admired but never went in because they were too hip, too young, too expensive, too old-fashioned. Gather some ideas from your in-store visit and then try on some things. If the store is too expensive, look for the same or similar items at consignment places (one of my new favorites is Lost and Found in Brookfield, CT) or on eBay.

3) Try on some vintage for a splash of classic cool! I wear a lot of vintage. The style flatters my body type and the timeless, Jackie O. look is one that I have always admired. And, vintage doesn’t have to be expensive. Look for end of season sales; I found a great, near-perfect coat at Old Carriage House Antiques in Bantam, CT. for $20! Also, check out antiques centers and other places that look a little sketchy.

Lastly, don’t be afraid to ask questions! My friend, Petria May, who owns Petria Boutiq in Gt Barrington, has a fabulous store of vintage treasures and has a perpetual flow of savvy shoppers and newbies in her shop all the time. Petria’s blog is also a great resource.

What are you wearing?

Talk to people. This is hard, I know. I get into my own zone, with my laptop at Irving Farm and I’d almost rather not look up and get into a conversation sometimes. And this is fine, if you are into a groove and doing really fabulous work. But, if you are ever stuck or unable to concentrate or whatever reason, start a conversation with someone.

Ask a question that you are curious about. Get their opinion on something. Share a story. Somehow, create a dialogue. This dialogue can serve to get you unstuck and sharply concentrating again but is also serves other purposes. Engaging in that dialogue also builds confidence. You are taking a risk and taking risks always makes you more confident. Something more subtle happens, too, when you talk to people: you build your network. Think of your network as a team of people who are resources for you and you for them. When you talk to people, you engage in a conversation which is ideally two-sided: you are both exchanging information. The information exchange that flows between you adds to other people’s knowledge about you and what your business. There are future members of your network lurking around every corner. Think of them as conduits for your business, if only you look up.

How do people (your future customers, perhaps?) learn about you?

Angelina Jolie has a vision. Her passion to help others through her own powerful celebrity. She approached the United Nations High Commissioner for Refugees about five years ago after reading about their role in helping the tens of millions of people along the Darfur/Chad border who are driven from their homes due to the intense fighting. At first, they were a little taken aback, Jolie says, in an article featuring her and her work in the March 19 issue of Newsweek. Jolie was accepted as a goodwill ambassador and soon traveled to Pakistam, Cambodia and Africa. Ever since then, she has spent a good deal of her time traveling to various camps and spending time with the people there. In doing so, Jolie has increased awareness of the issues that are so important to her. The power of her name and famous lineage, shines a stronger light on these often invisible places and puts faces with the trauma and inhumanity that oftentimes is just one more horror in the all too often bad news that we encounter everyday.

I am a huge fan. I admire Jolie’s determination to bring awareness and help in whatever way she is able to the underheard and under-served people in the world. She stands for something. She has a purpose. She takes action. These confidence-building characteristics are striking in their uniqueness.

Where do you take action in your own life for something that you believe in? And, if you aren’t, where can you start?

Do you lead groups, teach students or facilitate any other kind of mutual learning process? If so, read on…

As a leader of groups, I believe that I have the responsibility to create as stimulating and interactive learning environment as possible. I ask questions. I linger in silences. I allow participants to pose a question or challenge my response. This kind of interaction, a powerful type of dynamism, is essential to learning-both for the teacher and the student. Some of the pearls that I have been fortunate to pass on came from participants in my workshops who came to a personal realization. That’s the best kind of learning.

It’s boring to just regugitate information to the people who have come to you for learning–whether personal or professional. How is anyone growing with a one-sided conversation? Where is the personal questioning? How are new learning paths being created? My role, I believe, goes beyond conveying information. My role includes facilitating real life application of the information and practice building. When participants are in an interactive learning environment, they step beyond “student”. “Student” can be a dynamic role but you build more self-esteem when you are able to go beyond student and into practical application. But, in order to get to that place, the facilitator needs to make a space for that kind of dynamism.

What do you do?

Inevitably most of the women who fill in their emotion pies (homework in Week #2 of Uncommon Confidence) are dismayed to see in no uncertain terms, right there in front of them that there daily life is lacking in the critical emotion of ’silly/playful’. No wonder. While our days tend to be filled with busy work (professional or otherwise), play takes a back seat. In fact, play may never have had a front seat. Perhaps not since childhood anyway. But silly play is as important to us as adults as it was when we were children. Silly play allows us to step away from the monotony and engage our creative side. Silly play helps us laugh more, connect with others in a less facilitated way and, yes you guessed it, builds self-esteem. Whenever you find yourself stepping outside your comfort zone and into something else where the outcome is less predicatable, you’re building self-esteem. In addition, you also build self-esteem by shedding your perfectionist tendencies by making a decision to try some silly play. So, where is your silly play? It may be in signing up for a cooking class or having friends over for an evening of board games. Maybe you decide to host a movie night. Silly play can be anything. Game on!

Andrea Jung, the 48-year-old CEO of Avon, has been doing some pretty serious cosmetic surgery at Avon. Consisting rank in the Top 10 list of Fortune’s 50 Most Powerful Women, Jung was an expert at brand building when she was elected CEO in 1999. She had less experience in turning around floundering companies.

Avon, however under Jung’s stewardship, has been in the midst of a major turnaround since 2005 when the company’s success story started to sour, an article in the March 12 issue of BusinessWeek reveals. Slashing extraneous levels of management, upping advertising and eliminating 25% of the company’s products, Jung seems to have halted the losses by engaging in some serious risk-taking. Taking action, especially taking a well-calculated risk, is always a self-esteem builder. Doubtless, Jung is feeling more confident and capable than she had (even if there are still rough waters ahead) before the slowdown at Avon.

And, less we forget, Jung is also the mother of two children. In spite of her more rigorous than usual schedule during the llast 18 months, Jung finds time to skip the business evenings when she’s in New York so she can be with her family. She also communicates to her children that she loves her work so they can better understand the ‘why’ behind her absence. Communication with family is essential when it comes to following a passion or dream. They might not like or agree with your choice but if you communicate with them the ‘why’, then you are setting up a better vantage point for them to be able to understand your actions.

Jung is setting a stellar example to other women about the importance of taking action, ignoring other’s judgments and enlisting support team. Where can you adapt some of her good habits in your own life?

At long last….my manifesto Lonely Planet-How Relationships Suffer and Why It Matters has been published by Change This. This arrival has been long anticipated by me. I cover the basics of authentic relationships (what is and what isn’t) as well as how authentic relationships are feed us and why they are essential to our satisfaction and happiness. Check it out here. This is great stuff that can be used in business, your personal life and with anyone and everyone. You can download the PDF or read it online. Please email me and let me know what you think. I’d love to hear your thoughts: ej@ejohnsonandcompany.com

Do you have a website and have a desire to help others become more confidence? “Change Angels” is the E. Johnson & Company affiliate program. I think of my affiliates as angels: heavenly godmothers who bring the message of confidence, power and possibility to their network of friends, family and clients. Angels are paid for their referrals on a monthly basis per sale, via PayPal. Angels receive a special link that tracks their referrals. Change Angels earn an 18% commission on physical products (Confident Women Coaching Cards) and a 30% commission on digital products (Spring 2007!).

Are you interested in being an Angel? Sign-up here.

Have you ever wondered what you would look like as a brunette? Or maybe a redhead? I have! The clever folks at Clairol have created a nifty program called Try It on Studio where you can upload a picture of yourself to “try on” a different hair color. The site has you choose the color most like your natural color and then recommends a few aternate colors to try.Experimenting with different color, whether hair, make-up or wardrobe inspired, is good clean play. It also builds self-esteem. Anything that makes you feel more beautiful, stronger or sexier will help you become more confident in your day-to-day. Now, what was that color again….

I heard an impressively upbeat story on Marketplace on Thursday about a retailer named Marianne Lewis who owns a dress shop in The French Quarter called Violets. Her business, since Katrina, is down by half. Where some retailers might have given up and left town, Lewis decided to garner her resources, in this case, other retailers who were similarly affected and band together to form a unified front. The group called Second Wind NOLA finally heard some good news at the end of 2006: a $100 million grant. But as Lewis points out, that was 18 months post-Katrina whereas small businesses affected by 9/11 were given $700 million just 3 months later. Lewis and her group are making noise. She recognizes the power in taking action, in not complaining if you aren’t willing to do something about changing the situation that discourages you. Taking any kind of risk always builds self-esteem. Asking for what you need always builds self-esteem…and a greater chance of getting whatever it is you want. And, as Lewis shows, surrounding yourself with the right kind of support team helps you get to that place where you want to go, without losing faith. With that kind of leadership, how can they fail?

Are you ready for a Revolution? A Personal Revolution! might be exactly the kind of jumpstart your life needs. PR! is my self-esteem building retreat offered annually at a beautiful B&B in the lovely Berkshire Hills of Western Massachusetts. Join me and a small group of like-minded women May 31 - June 3 for a weekend to change your life.

So, if you can’t get to the eight-week workshop of Uncommon Confidence but feel like your perfectionist tendencies, people-pleasing or second-guessing of every decision is holding you back! Then Personal Revolution! is the answer for you. PR! is the weekend version of Uncommon Confidence. Space is extremely limited but a deposit of $200 guarantees your place. Complete details are here.